Dear David Thorne,
Thank you for making endless days stuck in an office enjoyable. You have inspired me!
I will continue what you have started.
A secret admirer X
I tend to remember regional news. Mainly for the reason that it often reflects the area from which it came. When the band had a photoshoot down in Merstham, Kent, the headline outside the local (and only) shop read “Student sheds 6 stone”. I never found out the ins and outs but I think it’s probably as basic as it sounds. In my head it could have easily read: “Fatso sees the light” and have a bigger impact. I should be in journalism.
The headline in the hometown where I grew up last time I visited read ‘By-pass could be disaster, says vicar”. I guess they do stuggle for drama in villages, especially ones in which the Vicar has the last word on major works of construction and the by-pass — such a rocky road ahead. I like to imagine the eager journalist shouting at the Vicar in the square: ‘What about this by-pass, Father?’The Vicar, assuming a mourneful demeanour and leaning in to the journalist, lowers his voice as if to disclose some massive secret. He whispers, ‘it could be a disaster if I’m honest’. Bang! Headline of the week.
I guess I’m glad smaller towns don’t have London style news reports that vary from “Man bludgeoned to buggery, then thrown into a well” to “High speed train drops under 50mph, Keanu Reeves called into action”.
The best news is of course funny news though and the one above serves my point well.
Anyways, this may be a large claim to make but I think I have come up with a golden rule and high brow philosophy far greater than any religious text or wise teaching that every man, woman and child of all creed and race can follow. Ah, yes, hear ye when I say:
“Just don’t be a knob”
See, there’s no smiting with this comment, no complications, it’s personal and yet above all, it’s simple. We’ve all been one, and we know when we are being one. So don’t be one. It’s that simple. You can’t write a whole book on it, granted, but that’s really the beauty of it. I apologize in advance for any plates dropped, fainting or people dropping to their knees in ecstasy due to the awesome nature of this revelatory blog post. But guys, come on, you deserve to know.
So there we have it, the moral code for the new millennia.
Once again, your ruddy welcome.
Today I saw a guy’s wig blow away in the wind. No disrespect to fellas that wear wigs. Fair enough really. I can’t imagine the annoyance and embarressment some guys feel.
Anyways, this guys wasn’t subtle about his haystack. It was a blonde thatch, and his features were fairly dark. Well, he was Indian actually.
This wig was obviously very important to him as he pelted after it for sometime before climbing over a short wall to unhook it from the low branch of a hedge.
The final kick in the nads I imagine, was that when he put it back on there was a disguarded fag butt and a twig in it. It wasn’t even this that invited ridicule- it was more that he put it on backwards so that the back of his head had a center parting…And a fag butt swinging in the breeze.
Much love x