Upper Crust

Congratulations to the Chief Turds of Shit Mountain at Upper Crust sandwich outlet. You have finally upped the price of a bread roll complete with an apology of a slice of ham and sliver of cheese to over £4. You took your time I could tell, but well done, you took the step.

Previous to this, I also liked your pick’n’mix half baguettes for 2.50, knowing that the greedy son-of-bitches would want more than just one half baguette. 2 for 5 pound which is one normal baguette for a quid more expensive. Nice work guys, no one saw that coming.

On the other hand, cheers for the voucher that said ‘any baguette for £2’. I took full advantage before realizing that because I don’t frequent your bullshit expensive establishment more that twice a year when pissed at Charing Cross station, I have now doubled my attendance. You clever little sods you.

I get that you want Upper Crust to soar to the same heights at both sandwich giants Pret or Eat, and you big wigs are never satisfied with one yacht, but sometimes you have to be realistic. You are no better than Delice De France, of whom look no further than offering melted cheesey snacks at a price not too dissimilar to one of your pairs of slacks. know your place Upper Crust.

Also, word to the wise. No one buys your tuna baguette. There’s always seventeen of them left over at the end of the night and not even the homeless and starving people you really should give them to at the end of the night would chow down on the hot mayonaise infused vomit that smells like a feted pond. You’ll thank me later.

Just incase we’re unclear in anyway. I think you’re assholes.

Much love,

T x

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