A running commentary

We’ve all been there. The train stops in the middle of nowhere and for an age. It’s probably stuck at a red signal. Or there is signalling problems (seriously, one of these days that guy is going to get fired for forgetting his signalling flag or whatever the fuck he’s doing. We’ll call him Roger, because it’s a stupid name and that’s what i’d like to do to him if given half a chance.)

Sometimes the driver doesn’t speak to you at all (the unhelpful cunt), but sometimes he will shift his arse to the intercom and give you the little lowdown on how Roger is getting on with remembering his flag this morning or what numpty has decided to shy himself with abandon infront of a train. Occasionally though you get a full and rather surreal commentary:

7.19am “Good morning folks we are currently experiencing some congenstion in the New Cross area this morning. We will be moving again shortly, thank you for your patience..”

7.21am “Ladies and Gentleman apologies again for the delay, we will be moving again shortly.”

7.28am “Once again, apologies for the delay, we will be on the move again in a few moments but we have lost our slot in the station so it may be a minute or two before they realocate us a platform. I can see the train ahead of us has the same problem. They are probably as irrate as you all are.”

7.29am “Incidently, it’s my Birthday today. Once we get to Cannon St., I shall be celebrating in the pub from 11am if you’d like to join me. You’ll probably all need it. It’s all gone to pot again since the olympics, right?”


T x




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