Motivation Guides To…Easy steps, with a pep talk for your self esteem.
Tent Erecting: Your short motivational guide to…
1. Stay calm. That means you, you highly strung, fretting nancy! Do not at any point decide you’ve had enough and start throwing important items into the night. Be a man! And stop your nancying about!
2. Ensure you erect the tent on a flat surface. If you do not, you will spend the night sliding down the ground sheet, waking in the morning to find you have your head bulging through the tent material. This invites ridicule and passers by to kick you in the face. Avoid at all costs.
1. Don’t get carried away with tent pegs. They need to be in the ground, not the bowels of the earth never to be seen again. I know you feel like a proper man mullering in pegs with a mallet and all the ladies can see your bulging pectorals and slight erection, but you may find that the next person to find the bastards will be after the next ice age.
4. Read the instructions to your tent. If it’s starting to look like a sack of shit and your asking questions like: “That’s not what the picture on the packaging looks like!” Then the chances are that’s not what the tent should look like. Don’t blame the marketing department like Michael Douglas in Falling Down, it’s your fault, you’re a terrible tent erector. Start again you daft sod.
5. If avoidable, do not give up and start contemplating rolling yourself up in the groundsheet like a sausage and pretending everything will be okay until the morning. It won’t, and you’ll be an idiot.
Happy camping, you fucking bastard.