Not long ago I posted a fabricated guide to fluffers and fluffing, should anyone want to go down this employment route and need expert (ish) advice.
Anyways, the harsh reality is people did seem to want to become fluffers. I know this because everytime someone searches ‘I want to be a fluffer’ into google, my damn blog comes up. According to our band blog stats, In six months more than 50 people have searched fluffing related terms including but not limited to: ‘I want to be a fluffer’, ‘how do I become a fluffer’, ‘guide to fluffing’ and the slightly over eager ‘make me a fluffer’.
To the fellas that secretly typed this in on their lunch break at barclays wishing there was more to life, this ones for you.
Perhaps you were bashing one off when you realised you had a superior talent for it? I guess most guys feel they have superior talent for this. May as well get paid for it….Not that it’s your penis and all…I’ll continue, shall I?
I do hope no one took my guide too seriously when enquiring or maybe applying for this particular job role though. I do not wish to become a Mecca for the art of greasing up another fellas plumbing, even if I was worthy of the title.
Here’s a re-cap. Much love, Thom x
So you want to be a Fluffer?
Your short guide to Fluffers and fluffing (1973).
By T. Wicks
1. Wash hands thoroughly. Use acti-bacterial moisturising lotion or similar for smooth hands.
2. Be confident, no one likes a nancy boy, but don’t be cocky, he won’t like that.
3. Make some light chatter, maybe make a joke about his impressive old fellow, but keep it light, nobody likes a smart arse.
4. Lube up well my son, this isn’t a back alley toss off, this is a job. Apply liberally and often.
5. Steady strokes, you ruddy amateur, you’re not trying to win any races, you’re just greasing the plumbing.
6. When the client feels he is ready to ‘perform’, be gracious and thank him for his time, then he might ask you back again. You never know old chum, it could turn into a career!