Dear Owner of the Renault Clio parked somewhere on Lee Park.
I am writing to you to confess that it was I, Thomas, who did barf over your bonet. It was I, too who got out an old napkin to wipe it off but just smeared it further then left the napkin to congeal to the bottom half of the windscreen.
I cannot imagine the obsenities roared on Tuesday morning when you stepped outside your house with a bagful of resolutions and a hopeful heart, when all you really got was my Camden Town Mexican food emptied onto the front portion of your car.
To be fair though, my toilet probably got it worse, for the most part the food was already digested and exited rather violently and audibly when I got home.
Sorry again, I hope there’s no bad vibes between us.