Swines!

Good Evening All you Crazy People,

With all the manual tap tap tap at work I have become scared of my keyboard. Or scared of work. Or scared of working on my keyboard. I just don’t see this as work, I see this as information for which you must know.

I wouldn’t say I am a gambling man, however I would bet anything that if anyone could cure Swine Flu it would be Joe Pesci. ” He looks like a guy who could get things done” (George Carlin RIP). So on Friday I left work, waited for the tube/underground/metro and saw a poster advertising the Euromillions Lotto Draw ”66 MILLION”.

It was a romantic idea of playing the lottery once a year and winning. I was going to buy a ticket. I was going to win. I know it is just another way for governments to make more tax, but I felt lucky, content with the evening ahead. A pizza and a film.

I handed over my ticket seven minutes before the deadline time arrived (1930 hrs) and watched the motionless zombie-supermarket-cashier take it from my hand. I don’t know how long this procedure normally takes before you have you lottery ticket back in your hands. I waited and watched. The banter started, the cashier to the left asked ”Gimme half if you win!”

me ”Listen greedy. I don’t even need half, why would you?”

greedy cashier ”hahahaha (lolz)”

me ”I would probably give over half away, but I will remember where I bought it. Ok?”

greedy cashier ”Thats what they all say, they never come back!”

me ”Maybe thats because, they think you are too greedy or they didn’t win”

At this stage the zombie-supermarket-cashier seems as if she is playing dodgems with the rest of the staff behind the counter, bouncing from person to person, a fly after sex.

Supermarket Cashier Staff minus zombie-supermarket-cashier ”(more Lolz, more lolz, all of them LOLZ) Hahaha you’ve not got it”

Me ”I’ve not got what?”

Greedy ”Your ticket! LOLZ! OH OH…….”( as she turns away from me slightly embarrassed).

Zombie-supermarket-cashier ”(while handing my original ticket back to me) You are late by two minutes!next time.”

Me ”What.How.But.Slut!”

Me ”Somerfield owe me 66 million!” (note: Somerfield AKA scumerfield is a British supermarket chain)

I wish Joe pesci was around when you need him.

I leave.

Then I waited for forty five minutes for a pizza.

I felt ignored the whole evening.

Andrew x

Kenny once bet me a house that Steve Van Zandt was Paulie in the Sopranos, he was wrong he was Silvio. We all knew that. Don’t listen to him, he is a spy. He owes me a house. This was five years ago. Still no house!

What a little swine!

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Swines!

  1. Andrew doesn’t know how to accept defeat like a man. He bet me that the montague arms was between Brockley and The Royal Albert in new Cross, and it was also a 10 minute walk from both new cross and new cross gate station. He was incorrect after accepting a bet of 2houses. 2! So basically he now owes me a house. He is a bitter stubborn fool that boy is.

  2. oh man, i hope the numbers you picked didnt come up haha!
    my neighbours mum won like £80,000 last week, from a syndicate that got a total of around £400,000. maybe i should buy a ticket

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s