The Baby Photo

Posted in 1, Facebook page, Irritating people, Random thoughts; where do they come from?, Stop Press! Urgent Band News!! with tags , , on November 16, 2009 by Kick Up The Fire
Kenny's baby picture

Kenny was one ugly child

Was cleaning out the drawer in our kitchen that we never go in. Found this baby photo of our singer Kenny. Couldn’t quite believe my luck.

My my Monday morning…Spent yesterday hungover like a horse. We had yet another awesome show @ The Dirty South, thanks to Joe and all the bar staff for a great night hiding from the storm. I then went to a party underneath some arches near London Bridge via going to Old Street, to then find out the party was actually from where I originally was at London Bridge. Great!

Why do all Door Security think they are the Terminator?

X S

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Posted in Facebook page, Random thoughts; where do they come from? with tags , , , , , on October 28, 2009 by Kick Up The Fire

As I sat waiting for a train in Kent this morning I heard two late teenage girls have this particularly horrible conversation that I feel the need to share, so maybe you guys can feel nauseous and gag into your coat sleeve too.

Girl1:….Did you suck him off?!

Girl2: Maybe.

Girl1: AAAAAAGH! You did, didn’t you, you fucking slag. HAHAHA!……HAAAAA!

Girl2: Shut up Liz, last week you sucked off Daz(?) at (someones) party for, like, two hours!

Girl1: Yeah but I was on pills innit.

Girl2: My mate Lauren wanked this guy off from the year above and then fingered herself and got herself pregnant.

Girl1: Sick.

I think it would be best for all parties involved, if maybe everybody stopped sucking everybody off.

Much love

Thom -x-

Bats Spelled Backwards Is Stab

Posted in Good Deeds on October 20, 2009 by Kick Up The Fire

We are in high spirits today, our good friends Bats, from across the sea in Ireland, have been nominated for an Irish Music Award for their video for Shadow Fucking.

You can, and should, vote for it here:

We hope to one day have a video half as awesome.

Good luck to you Bats, we gots love for ya.

Alan.x

Thomas’ Big Bible Hour.

Posted in 1, Facebook page, Good Deeds with tags , , on October 2, 2009 by Kick Up The Fire

Proverbs 21:19
“It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.”

They did have a sense of humour back in Bible days, didn’t they.

Much love

Thom -x-

The Crushed Commuter

Posted in Facebook page, Irritating people, Random thoughts; where do they come from? on September 29, 2009 by Kick Up The Fire

Good Morning,

Normally on my way to work I read a book, listen to music or find myself falling asleep on some old lady’s shoulder. It is sometimes hard to have an enjoyable journey on a packed train full of tired commuters who are angry with you because you look less tired than them.

However, this very morning I had a superb journey. I arrived at the station and ran for the train. Footsteps accelerated behind me as I realised I wasn’t the only one running for this 8:07 to Charing Cross. I made the train and within seconds the doors started to slam shut…. on a red faced man.

There is something hilarious about seeing a banker crushed in between two train doors with coffee spilt all over his pinstripe suit. His squirm, his distorted face. This man reacted as if he had just been shot while escaping from prison. He managed to free himself from the doors and grumbled to himself throughout the whole journey. It was fucking funny to witness.

Andrew X

“Don’t Put your Penis in it”

Posted in Facebook page, Good Deeds with tags , , , on September 28, 2009 by Kick Up The Fire

Our blog seems to have gotten all serious. I’m going to take the maturity level and high brow-ness back down to where it belongs…

I tried creating a Wikipedia page whilst I was at work yesterday. I was going to fabricate the inventor of the shoe horn (Alistair Shoehorn) as suggested by my colleague, but I thought I should try to create a new saying instead.

“Don’t Put Your Penis In It”
The slang saying for messing up a task, referring to the act of placing one’s genitals into something to ruin the outcome. Not to be confused with the actual act of placing one’s penis into an object or situation; such as a heated debate or dessert offering. Similar sayings include ‘don’t cock it up’ or ‘don’t stick your ore in’. Examples of when these would be used: “Come on Trevor, don’t put your penis in it, we was only joking, geezer.” Or: “He put his penis in it this time, John, he can say goodbye to that sales bonus.”

See also:
- Penis

Suffice to say, this was only published on Wikipedia for about 7 minutes before they realized that no one in the office had ever heard of “don’t put your penis in it”. I like to think the editor tried using the saying on his workmate around seven minutes after it was published, and wasn’t appreciated for doing so.

Much love

Thom -x-

It’s Not Alright

Posted in Good Deeds, Irritating people, Rage with tags , , , on September 25, 2009 by Kick Up The Fire

There’s been a fairly mental reaction to our last blog post which was initially a frustrated joke rant. I’d like to redress the balance a little bit by getting serious, Lily stylee.

Lily Allen was a silly girl, in my personal opinion, for her stance on illegal file sharing and here’s why:

First and foremost, she herself allegedly used this very tactic to gain fame. I personally believe her fame is a result of her father’s musician mates writing some catchy as hell tunes and his big-shot cronies employing some major-label viral marketing strategy to shoot her into the public eye. However, if you buy into the “local girl blogger makes good” fairytale then you have to buy into the “by making mixtapes available to file sharers who read her blog” part of the story too. Of course she has a beaming personality, and that helps, but for the love of God please stop pretending you’re hard done by.

The fact that she has publically criticised a coalition comprised of artists such as Radiohead’s Ed O’Brien and accused them of having “the biggest Ferrari collections in the world” is a serious lack of judgement. Radiohead just so happen to use ecologically friendly stage lighting and sell merchandise made from recycled bottles. That may be beside the point but Lily’s old man Keith doesn’t exactly fit into the public-sector-worker bracket either, and that is not.

For Lily to proceed by making a stand for struggling musicians, something she has never been and never will be, is a joke. We can fight our own battles thank you very much.

“When you manage to get a contract, all those pretty videos and posters advertising your album have to be paid for and as the artist, you have to pay for them.”

We know how record label advances work. If you don’t recoup that money the label takes the hit. Most struggling artists don’t ever get this opportunity. Some of them aren’t particularly interested in having it. Needless to say Alan obviously doesn’t feel her posters or videos are pretty.

“You might not care about this, but the more difficult it is for new artists to make it, the less new artists you’ll see and the more British music will be nothing but puppets paid for by Simon Cowell.”

This is a painful, painful comment from somebody who is themselves a neatly packaged product. The fact that the industry is clogged up with such products makes it nigh-on impossible for other musicians who go through a mundane 9 to 5 existence or live off the dole to fund their passion.

If Lily is ready to chuck her musical career over a bit of controversy then maybe, just maybe, she’s not in it for the music after all but instead for the adulation.

“And it’s not like there aren’t alternatives to illegal downloads anyway. Sites like Spotify give us access to new music and different music without having to rip someone off – you can listen to tracks and see if you like them before you buy them. Then obviously there’s MySpace, that streams music and helps acts like me get enough fans to convince record companies to sign us up” …….. “File sharing’s not okay for British music. We need to find new ways to help consumers access and buy music legally, but saying file sharing’s fine is not helping anyone – and definitely not helping British music. I want to get people working together to use new digital opportunities to encourage new artists.”

Again, who is paying you and how much? Prehistoric record labels are rightly getting just deserts after years of raping their artists’ (read employees’) talent. The independent artist is now thriving thanks to the internet and long may it continue. Perhaps Lily’s real fear is for the future of multinational companies with the power to create superstars out of their CEO’s best mate’s daughters.

Regardless of how good or bad any given struggling musician may be people like Lily Allen create barriers for entry. They most certainly do not break them down. Radiohead overcame this barrier and who exactly is Miss Lily Allen to debate the best interests of struggling musicians with them.

In her defence I can almost comprehend that Lily may have had the right intentions at heart. However coming out and criticising artists with real integrity and the desire to give back to their fans is not the way to go about it. It’s not alright.

Lots of love

KennyX

Dear Lily Allen

Posted in Irritating people, Rage with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 23, 2009 by Kick Up The Fire

Dear Lily,

Exactly how much are you being paid to go on this sickening crusade against piracy?

Do you really expect me to believe that this is a subject that bothers you so much you feel the need to become some sort of idiotic spokesperson for the ailing music industry megabuckers? Are you upset because when you said “daddy, can I be a pop star” you imagined that the income would be even fucking higher than it already is for you? Should you have asked daddy to make you a glamour model? Or a Bond villain? Or a soap star? (oh, you’re too rough for Hollyoaks, soz) Or any other fucking thing his mates down at the Groucho club could have made you?

You don’t give a shit about musicians, they’re just the dudes who stand behind you while you churn out under-average performance after under-average performance. You are not a musician, you have never been in a band, you have never struggled, you have no passion for music, all you wanted was for your dad to make you one of the cool kids. You fucking corporate pig. Good old Dad, getting his mates to spend weeks in the studio writing you a bunch of tunes so you could be famous. You weren’t even there! I know, because I was the fucking runner! Mayfair studios, in Primrose Hill, bringing your dad and Alex James tea and biscuits for a hundred quid a week. Fuuuucking sweet job!

I can see it now, all the grey faced, Eastenders-addled drones, stumbling, slack jawed down to HMV to write that great wrong they have done by downloading music. They saw you in the metro and you really struck a chord with them! Yes, Lily is right, must buy CD’s or the world will collapse!

Yeah fucking right it will, who on earth will pick the bands to force into 360 deals now that all the pretty girls with the well connected fathers aren’t clogging the A&R departments? Who will be left to use their job title to get them into the Kanye after-party so they can maybe get to let him spunk on their face in the bogs? What will the fucking world do?

Nothing, it’ll do nothing you twat. All the fucking proper musicians living on the breadline will just keep doing the same thing, playing the music they want to play and maybe there will be less dickhead popularity whores like yourself flouncing around the stage at Glastonbury next year.

Get out of the papers love, you’re making a dick of yourself, you’re a popstar, thats all, good for nothing but drinking cocktails and wiggling around on Callum Best’s lap in some shit aftershow in the West End until he takes you home, ties you up and fucks you like a pig. You don’t really like it, but it’s Callum Best!!! If you want people to take more notice of you, maybe walk up to Primrose Hill and get your horrible gash out while walking your dog or something? Maybe you’ll get lucky and some paparazzi slug will take a snap that’ll end up in the Daily sport, that’ll shift a few units for you, and that’s what it’s all about eh???

Wanker.

Alan.x

Edited 25th of Sept to add:
Because we realise people are getting quite heated I thought it was only right that I post a serious topic about this. Here it is

Kenny X

The Storm

Posted in Good Deeds, Stop Press! Urgent Band News!! with tags , , , on September 21, 2009 by Kick Up The Fire

There was a mighty, mighty storm in South London on Saturday night. We were preparing to play a show at Dirty South which was cancelled because the roof leaked all over the stage. As a bubble of water hung overhead ready to explode we calmly vacated the stage and made for the bar so as to avoid death by electrocution.

Sound check was great though. The new songs are sounding thunderous! Thanks to everybody who made it down to see us as well as the door-people and bar staff for helping us out on a stressful Saturday night. Unfortunately it was not to be.

In between getting drunk and getting drunker, I observed the magical sound engineer, Joe, pack down all the stage equipment in super fast time with miraculous precision. Dirty South, we want your Sound Engineer! He is the Man! From now on when I pray, I pray to Joe from Dirty South because he is the kind person who gets the job done. A legend.

As the storm cleared, we made our way back to the house and had some tea.

I’m sitting in bed now, with some tea, as I’m down with the sickness!

X A

Scheiße Fan Makes a Deposit

Posted in Brown pants, Good Deeds, Rage, Random thoughts; where do they come from? on September 18, 2009 by Kick Up The Fire

This week the HSBC branch near my office shut down. It’s a right pain in the arse because it means I now have to trek it a full 5 minutes (5 minutes!) further down the road to Tesco to get cash out.

Fortunately, upon discovering this, I managed to contain myself a little more easily than one particularly disgruntled customer who carefully dispatched a steaming log on the branch’s cash machine keypad. I assume there was some symbolic reason behind this gesture.

I can’t help but imagine what the scene may have been like.

“A little going away present Mr H. S. B. C.! Congratulations!”

KennyX